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“In every way, it was a routine death in every way. It was a typical day. Common. Dane was the only one who stood out from the crowd. I had married into this situation, but how had he gotten himself into this situation in the first place? Love is a word that is not big enough. For my sake, he took a stand and faced the reality of death. He is a good friend of mine.” In Matthew Teague’s article “The Friend,” published in the May 2015 issue of Esquire Magazine.
There’s a good reason to be a little skeptical of films that focus on cancer in one location. Cancer is used far too frequently as a plot point or as a shortcut to eliciting emotional response from the audience. Cancer is frequently used to increase the viewership of television shows. In popular culture, cancer patients are depicted as inspirational and enlightened: they are here to teach us how to live our lives. In my opinion, the worst and most perplexingly common “cancer trope” is the one in which a young woman dies of cancer and her boyfriend transforms into a better man as a result of her death. In these types of films, there is no desire to confront the reality of cancer. Somehow, the movies are intended to defy reality in some way. In Gabriela Cowperthwaite’s “Our Friend,” which is based on Matthew Teague’s heartbreaking 2015 essay about his wife’s death and the friend who helped the couple get through it, one of the most refreshing aspects is Cowperthwaite’s commitment to only showing what actually happened. “Our Friend” does not change the “meaning” of cancer from what it already is, nor does it transform cancer into a symbol of something else. Teague wrote the following in his essay: “Generally speaking, as a society, we don’t tell each other the truth about death. It’s not like you’re really dying. Real dying, regular and mundane dying, is so difficult and aesthetically unappealing that it becomes the worst thing of all: it is grotesque in its appearance. It’s a disgrace to be in this position. Not a single person ever told me the whole truth about it, not even once.”
“Our Friend” is telling the truth about what happened.
Matt (Casey Affleck) and Nicole (Dakota Johnson) are a married couple who live in Fairhope, Alabama. They have two children. He works as a journalist, and she is an actress in a local theater. They are the parents of two young daughters. Nicole is diagnosed with ovarian cancer, which is known as the “silent killer,” after experiencing a few bumps in the road. However, in general, everything is fine. Things go from bad to worse to terrifying in a matter of minutes. They decide to have Dane (Jason Segel), a mutual friend, move in with them during the final year of her illness in order to help out around the house, to help with the girls, and to act as support staff for a grieving and overburdened family.
What could possibly motivate Dane to give up his own life in this manner? Dane, as the film clearly demonstrates, is at a loss for what to do. Working in a sporting goods store is his profession. It’s not exactly an ambitious choice of words for him to say he wants to “start to think about” doing stand-up comedy, but it’s a start. All of his friends are now husbands and fathers, as is the case with him. Dane is also interested in this. However, when he pays a visit to Matt and Nicole’s home following their cancer diagnosis, he notices right away that everyone is overwhelmed. He believes that he can be of assistance, that he can pick up the slack, that he can run errands, that he can be there for whatever is required.
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The screenplay by Brad Ingelsby is based on Teague’s original essay to a significant degree. When the screenplay deviates from the original, the film loses its focus. The tangents feel like they are just that: tangents, offshoots of the main story. In some cases, these detours muddle the waters further. Teague’s essay jumps around in time a little bit, going back in time to explain how he and Nicole met Dane in the first place. Ingelsby, on the other hand, dives headfirst into fractured chronology, jumping back 13 years, forward 8 years, back 4 years, and so on. It’s difficult to keep track of the progress of the project.
However, “Our Friend” excels where it counts the most, which is in the small details of everyday life, such as running errands and cooking dinner while your family is going through this harrowing ordeal. Cancer not only consumes the patient, but it also wreaks havoc on their loved ones. There’s a lovely sequence in which Matt drives past a playground, where he sees happy mothers and children swinging on the playground equipment. The fact that he is so far away from being able to do so makes it seem as though he will never again belong to that warm and carefree circle. Death causes you to become self-centered. When my life is about to come to an end, how can people just go on living their lives? “And the world has the audacity to keep on turning,” singer-songwriter Tracy Bonham says. ” This is something that “Our Friend” fully comprehends.
Without faith in Matt, Nicole, and Dane’s relationship, the film would be a complete failure. You’ve got to believe it. Matt, played by Affleck, can be a difficult character who is prone to gloomy brooding. The majority of the time he suffers in silence, interrupted only by fits of explosive impatience or sudden fainting spells, but he does suffer. (Yes, he has a fainting spell.) Often.) Nicole is a warm and giving person, and she attracts people who are drawn to her personality. She is patient and understanding, but she is not a pushover. What makes this situation unique is that Dane is friends with both Matt and Nicole. The author of the essay, Teague, discusses this dynamic in detail. Segel is the ideal actor for this type of material, with his scruffy kindness, his humorous impulses (his scenes with the children are particularly wonderful), and his openness to the world around him. Dane being portrayed as some saintly self-sacrificing angel is something that one can only imagine how horrible it would be. Dane’s sense of disappointment is played to perfection by Segel, as is his longing for a mate and for children of his own. It’s all there for you. He’s a complicated individual, but his impulses toward friendship are straightforward and unambiguous. A convincing sense of shared history is created by the three actors when they collaborate.
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It is insightful on many topics that no one wants to talk about, such as caregiver fatigue, in the film “Our Friend.” The caregiver is consumed with guilt when he or she decides to “take a break.” Matt agrees to go on a short hike with Dane, who suggests it. Matt puts up a good fight, but Dane comes out on top, and they have a good time. Following that, there is a brief montage showing neighbors and friends delivering food to the porch steps. Something so insignificant, but so beneficial. The film is also honest about the aspects of the story that are less positive. Immediately following Nicole’s diagnosis, friends and family descend on her home to show their support. Nicole’s friends are becoming less and less interested in visiting her as she becomes more ill. Dane is the only one who has survived.
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Teague’s essay is factual in its depiction of the horrifying effects cancer had on his wife’s body. Despite the fact that “Our Friend” avoids some of the more graphic elements, it is honest about Nicole’s breakdown of personality, her psychosis, as well as her outbursts at Matt in terrifying rages. (This is unfamiliar territory for the talented Johnson, but she is more than capable of navigating it.) “Blackfish,” a documentary about orcas kept in captivity, was directed by Cowperthwaite. She appears to be unfazed by the situations she finds herself in. She doesn’t sugarcoat anything. She is not a sentimental person. She brought this to bear in the 2017 film “Megan Leavey,” which I had the pleasure of reviewing for this site. Based on the plot description, it’s possible to dismiss “Megan Leavey,” but Cowperthwaite’s keen eye for detail and empathetic sensibility elevate the film to a very high level of impact and emotional resonance. Likewise, “Our Friend” falls into this category.
Dane’s motivations, according to one critic, are “a mystery.” However, there is no mystery here at all. Dane’s actions are made understandable by Segel. It’s not that difficult to understand, after all. Dane recognizes that his friends require his assistance, and because he has nothing else planned, he moves in. That’s how simple it is, or at least how simple it appears to Dane. Dane’s decision to move in with them was described as “incomprehensible” by Teague himself. The following lines from William Butler Yeats’ beautiful poem The Municipal Gallery Revisited come to mind:
“Consider where man’s greatest glory begins and ends, and say that my greatest glory was that I had such friends.”
About the quiz
Being a good friend, like Dane, is something you choose to do. We all have the ability to make that decision. We shouldn’t just wish for a friend like Dane; we should actively seek him out. Dane is a good friend, and we should strive to be like him.
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The film is currently playing in theaters and is also available on demand.
For more personality quizzes check this: Lamb Of God The Concert Film Quiz.