Respond to these rapid questions in our Bumblebee quiz and we will tell you which Bumblebee character you are. Play it now.
A Bizarro World version of this year’s “The Predator,” “Bumblebee,” the first live-action Transformers film to be directed by someone other than Michael Bay, is a Bizarro World version of “The Predator,” though only in one very specific way: there is far too much undercooked human drama and far too little’splodey high-concept stuff (which is competent). For all that, “Bumblebee” may appear to be a refreshing change of pace after six Bay-ified Transformers films. However, as someone who left the recently resurrected franchise after the fourth installment, I have to say: “So what?”. Although “Bumblebee” is only 113 minutes long and feels even longer than that, the film plays like a lukewarm, John Hughes-ified clone of “E.T. “: The Extra-terrestrial” in terms of length and quality. Not only is there nothing new here, but there is also nothing convincing. And even if I’m supposed to evaluate “Bumblebee” on the basis of how well it accomplishes what it sets out to do (rather than how well it accomplishes what came before it), it’s still not very good.
To set the tone for the rest of the film, “Bumblebee” begins with an uninspired homage/tip of the hat to the animated “Transformers: The Movie.” It’s war time on Cybertron, the home of the Autobots (who have apparently already visited Earth and therefore look like cars) and the Decepticons (who look like cars and jets and other things despite… having not yet visited Earth? Given that “Bumblebee” is a prequel, serving as a link between Bay’s notoriously confusing “Transformers: The Movie” and the tediously noisy “Transformers,” it’s only natural that this new film should be… well, actually a little like both the older Transformers film and the newer Transformer films.
Despite the fact that “Bumblebee” is a film in which sentient war machine robots go pew-pew at each other—and blow up trucks and occasionally reduce human beings to translucent goo—it is also apparently a film about generically rebellious teenager Charlie Watson (True Grit star Hailee Steinfeld), a young woman who listens to The Smiths, resents her mother (Better Things star Pamela Adlon), and has a tentative romance with (Jorge Lendeborg Jr.). You throw in Bumblebee, who is mute and almost magical, and you’ve got yourself an epic fish-out-of-water tale that has been thrice nuked.
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The fact that the film follows a “formulaic” structure isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Problems, on the other hand, are unavoidable with “Bumblebee,” because the film frequently appears to be stuck in fast forward, especially during emotionally charged scenes. It’s true that several key scenes—scenes that are supposed to establish the film’s heartstring-tugging stakes—seem bewilderingly inconsequential, but that’s only because screenwriter Christina Hodson’s scenario (as realized by director Travis Knight and the rest of the cast) feels completely hastily put together. It’s enough to leave viewers with a slew of unanswered questions, even if the answers to those questions are obvious to anyone who has even a passing familiarity with post-“E.T.” fish-out-of-water dramas.
Bumblebee Quiz
Consider the following: why did Bumblebee take so long to command a group of gruff military men to “Run” in an early scene, before he loses his voice, and also one second before missiles decimated them? Because the filmmakers don’t have the luxury of a few extra seconds to create genuine dramatic tension, especially when they could simply have their robot hero strike a cool pose before being blown to pieces instead. In addition, why did Hodson and company have Bumblebee’s Autobot friend on another planet be killed by the film’s villainous Decepticons before viewers are introduced to that character in a previous scene? Because a senseless death is a dramatic event!
Also, you will find out which character are you in this Bumblebee quiz.
What’s worse is that neither the film’s supporting characters nor the one whose expectations Charlie challenges are particularly well-developed in the film. Which is a problem because I can’t really root for Charlie if my expectations aren’t completely shattered by her actions. Despite the fact that his character’s most heinous crimes against Charlie are practicing defensive driving and earnestly recommending a single self-help book, Stephen Schneider’s amiably goony stepfather doesn’t make for an effective stick in the mud. And, despite the frightening scar on his cheek, John Cena, who plays cranky-pants anti-robot military guy Agent Burns, doesn’t make for a convincing trigger-happy antagonist. Lendeborg’s Memo is not a credible nerd, no matter how enthusiastically he defends his use of disposable hair nets (for “sanitary reasons”) when confronted by a vaguely threatening valley girl bully in the film’s final scene.
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On the other hand, what else would you expect from a film that asks viewers to fall in love with Bumblebee, a character who (in this film) appears to be a cuddly VW war machine? Bumblebee blows up a robot at the start of the film in order to save his leader, Optimus Prime, who is trapped inside (Peter Cullen). A few scenes later, after several heartfelt moments that fall flat, he detonates a whole bunch of other stuff (mostly inanimate). Yes, Bumblebee appears to be fond of Charlie, his human owner and companion. But what about the military? And what about the bad robots? Because their (ineffective) kind of violent intolerance is punishable only by total destruction, according to the film’s aimlessly destructive (but convincing) logic, Bumblebee delivers the only appropriate punishment: total destruction.
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After all, I haven’t held my breath waiting for a great anti-war, anti-consumerist epic in the vein of “Transformers: Beast Wars,” which I used to enjoy when I was a pre-teen. The tropes in this film were mercilessly ripped off, I mean borrowed, from executive producer Steven Spielberg, and I wish someone who was responsible for its creation had taken a little more responsibility for them. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with the approach taken by this film. All that remains is for you to do something with it.
For more personality quizzes check this: Abominable Quiz.
