Respond to these rapid questions in our Collateral Beauty quiz and we will tell you which Collateral Beauty character you are. Play it now.
Grief is a common theme in movies right now, and for good reason. “Manchester by the Sea,” “Jackie,” and “Arrival,” among other titles, approach the difficult subject from a variety of perspectives, including personal, political, and otherworldly perspectives. However, they are all able to defend their use of deceased loved ones as a source of not only emotion, but also insight into what happens in the aftermath of such a tragic loss.
Now, “Collateral Beauty” comes along to ruin it all by milking bereavement for shoddy bromides and cheap tears, which she sells on the black market. Although this knockoff Hallmark special makes no attempt to hide its ill-conceived intentions or the significant debt it owes to such seasonal classics as “A Christmas Carol” and “It’ s a Wonderful Life,” it does so in order to maintain its appearance of originality. “Marley & Me” director David Frankel and writer Allan Loeb (the man behind such DVD bargain-bin treasures as “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps,” “The Dilemma,” and “Rock of Ages”) provide plenty of glitzy window dressing, including a stellar cast and an imaginary Manhattan decked out in twinkling Christmas lights, pine limbs, and dirt-free curbside snow. “Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps” director David Frankel
I’ll admit that I’m cynical, but I’m always suspicious when an acting ensemble appears to be overabundant in talent. It is unmistakably a sign of overcompensation. Consider that the film “Collateral Beauty” stars two Academy Award winners (Kate Winslet and Helen Mirren), three Academy Award nominees (Will Smith, Keira Knightley, and Edward Norton), a current Golden Globe nominee, and a likely future Academy Award contender (Naomie Harris of “Moonlight”) in a pear tree setting. Even second-tier players like Michael Pea and Ann Dowd have a certain amount of cachet in their own right.
But you shouldn’t waste any more time and start this Collateral Beauty quiz.
I despise it when I am proven to be correct at times.
Collateral Beauty Quiz
Let’s start at the very beginning of the story. There’s the Will Smith we’re all familiar with and love, the one with the dazzling smile and an abundance of manly self-confidence. Using the pseudo-profound question, “What is your why?” he is rallying the troops at his successful advertising agency. “What is the what?” I would ask in response. “Time, love, and death,” Howard’s character, on the other hand, declares. These three things bind every single human being on the face of the planet together. We are yearning for love. We wished we had more time on our hands. “And we are terrified of death.” Isn’t that interesting? Wrong.
Also, you will find out which character are you in this Collateral Beauty quiz.
That’s fine with me. Three years have passed, and Howard is a shell of a man, alone, silent, and devoid of meaning following the death of his six-year-old daughter from a rare disease three years ago. He spends his days in his office, constructing elaborate mazes out of a platoon of domino tiles, only to knock them all down in one fell swoop and start over (at this point, the warning “Warning: Metaphor Ahead” should flash on the screen to indicate that the metaphor is about to be revealed). His bitter diatribes against Time, Love, and Death are written in the wee hours of the morning in his monk-like apartment, and then he actually mails these notes to their respective recipients, complete with stamps but no address.
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Because Howard was the charismatic driving force behind the agency and is the majority shareholder, his business partners, played by Winslet, Norton, and Pea, are understandably nervous about his departure. They want to buy him out because his profits are dwindling, but he is unwilling to discuss such details due to his withdrawn state. A worried Norton hires an undercover private investigator (Dowd) to spy on Howard, and she manages to retrieve his three notes from a mailbox, regardless of whether or not it was legal to do so.
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Norton finds a solution when he becomes entranced by an attractive young woman auditioning for an advertisement (Knightley) and decides to follow her across the street to a theater, as if by magic. When he arrives, she is rehearsing for an upcoming play with two other people: a young man (Jacob Latimore) and an older white-haired lady (Mirren). He says, “Hey, let me hire you three to act as the human embodiments of Time, Love, and Death, and make Howard completely insane so we can prove he is unstable and save our company.” After being compelled to adopt a sassy senior persona, Helen Mirren has second thoughts about her decision. Her question to Norton’s character about whether or not the trio should “gaslight” Howard is one of the more timely asides in the script. However, as desperate thespians are wont to do, they all agree in order to raise funds for their production.
Of course, it isn’t quite that simple, especially when you consider how much time is spent on the personal struggles of divorced father Norton, childless workaholic Winslet, and a cough-ridden Pea. By the time Howard begins to open up to a grief counselor (Harris), who has also suffered the loss of a daughter to disease, there is a growing sense that something strange is afoot, and not in a positive way. It’s true that there are current allusions to difficult-to-get “Hamilton” tickets, and Norton jokes to his dementia-suffering mother while watching television, “Now they have CSI: Cleveland?” However, these digressions are merely diversionary tactics to keep the audience’s attention away from the horrifying twists that are about to unfold.
I don’t believe I’ve seen a film this year that has managed to completely and utterly collapse into crass garbage in its final few minutes while abusing what little goodwill it still has to its name. It’s similar to how a shaky line of dominoes can come crashing down in an instant. Forget about “Collateral Beauty,” or whatever that term means these days. While the OneRepublic ballad “Let’s Hurt Tonight” serves as exit music, this is “Collateral Schmaltz,” the kind of schmaltz that has the power to close rather than open your heart as you rush out of the theater.
For more personality quizzes check this: Beatriz At Dinner Quiz.
