Respond to these rapid questions in our Fantastic Four quiz and we will tell you which Fantastic Four character you are. Play it now.
You decide to investigate a mysterious stellar tumult that is heading in the direction of Earth, so you board a spaceship and travel into orbit. There is a hypothesis that it might involve properties that are beneficial to man. However, the storm arrived earlier than expected and saturated everyone on board with an unexplained but powerful energy that caused radical molecular changes in their bodies. The shield that the spaceship was equipped with to protect its passengers from harmful effects was rendered ineffective when the storm arrived.
They make it back to Earth without incident, where they learn that the leader of the group, Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd), possesses a body that can transform into any shape or stretch to lengths that are beyond comprehension. Just refer to him as Mr. Fantastic. Ben Grimm, played by Michael Chiklis, acquires superhuman abilities despite possessing an enormous and ponderous body that appears to be made of stone. Just refer to him as the Thing. Sue Storm, played by Jessica Alba, possesses the ability to turn invisible at will and generate force fields that are capable of containing propane explosions. This is useful if you need to contain a propane explosion but would also like the option of remaining invisible. Just refer to her as the Invisible Woman. And her brother Johnny Storm, who is played by Chris Evans, possesses a body that can combust at the temperatures of a supernova. You can refer to him as the Human Torch.
I almost forgot about the villain, Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon), who becomes Dr. Doom and wants to use the properties of the star storm and the powers of the Fantastic Four for his own purposes. I almost forgot about him. He evolves into a metallic state in the end.
Are you starting to feel antsy now that we’ve reached this point in the critique? What am I going to do, make a list of names and actors and superpowers and nicknames for the rest of my life? That’s the vibe I got from the movie.
But you shouldn’t waste any more time and start this Fantastic Four quiz.
It is nothing but setting up and demonstrating things, naming and discussing things, and demonstrating things, and it never gets around to digesting the complexities of the Fantastic Four and getting on with telling a compelling story. When you’ve seen one fire truck kept from falling off a bridge by the Thing, you’ve seen them all. Sure, there’s a nice sequence in which the Thing saves a fire truck from falling off a bridge, but you’ve seen them all.
The Fantastic Four are, to put it succinctly, not very impressive. When compared to other superhero teams, they are difficult to differentiate from. That is not hard to comprehend. How many people do you think could get 100% right on a quiz about the X-Men and their abilities right this second? Or have the desire to? I wasn’t watching “Fantastic Four” to learn anything about it; rather, I wanted to be entertained by it. However, how am I supposed to be amazed by a movie whose characters are so unconcerned with themselves?
Fantastic Four Quiz
To reiterate, the Human Torch is capable of reaching temperatures higher than a supernova. He is capable of reaching temperatures so high that they put the very existence of the planet itself in jeopardy! Do you not think that this is completely and utterly mind-blowingly incredible? If you were to subject yourself to the temperatures of a supernova, do you think you’d be able to stop talking about it? I know some people who just won’t stop talking about how much money they got from the lottery.
Also, you will find out which character are you in this Fantastic Four quiz.
But once Johnny Storm learns that he has been transformed into the Human Torch, he pretty much takes it in stride and even makes a little bit of a show of it by lighting his thumb on fire. Later on, he rescues the planet while the Invisible Woman simultaneously holds back his supernova, preventing him from destroying the planet. She becomes anxious because she will have to be naked in order to be invisible, because otherwise people could see her empty clothes; it is of no consolation to her that invisible nudity is more of a metaphysical concept than a condition. That means Invisible Woman could possibly create a force field to contain the sun, which would be a big deal; however, she is too distracted to explore the possibilities.
Are these individuals completely devoid of common sense? They’ve been through a complete paradigm shift in the way they live their lives, and they’re reacting with about as much enthusiasm as if they’d just gotten a makeover on “Oprah.” The one and only exception to this rule is Ben Grimm in his role as the Thing, who experiences feelings of depression whenever he looks in the mirror. In contrast to the other characters, who appear normal unless they are actually using their superpowers, he has the appearance of – well, he has the appearance of someone whose suits would fit The Hulk, in the same way that the Human Torch looks like The Flash and the Invisible Woman reminds me of Storm from “X-Men.”
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Is this the company that manages the roads? Thing clomps around on his Size 18 boulders and feels like an outcast until he meets a blind woman named Alicia (Kerry Washington), who loves him in part because she can’t see him. This changes Thing’s perspective significantly. But the Thing resembles Don Rickles crossed with Mt. Rushmore; he has a body that feels like a driveway and a face that has crevices you could hide a toothbrush in. He has a face that feels like it was carved out of a mountain. Alicia puts her fingers on his face and gives it a gentle touch, just as blind characters in romantic comedies often do when they’re falling in love, and I suppose she likes what she feels. It’s possible that she’s extrapolating.
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The plot centers on a scheme hatched by Doctor Doom to… but perhaps we do not need to be concerned with the plot of the movie, because it is undermined at every moment by the unwieldy need to involve a screenful of characters, who, despite having the most astonishing powers, have not been made exciting or even interesting. In comparison to them, the X-Men are at a much higher level.
And the really good superhero movies, such as “Superman,” “Spider-Man 2,” and “Batman Begins,” leave “Fantastic Four” so far behind that the movie should almost be ashamed to show itself in the same theaters as those other superhero movies.
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