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In the words of Yogi Berra, going to “The Tender Bar” is like going back to “deja vu all over again.” This is the same “young man’s coming-of-age story” that you’ve seen a thousand times before on television. There has been no new content added. The poster advertises this as “a feel-good movie,” but who is supposed to feel good in this situation? Certainly not the average viewer, who has seen this stale material so many times that he or she can practically recite every line of dialog. What about the characters, a “lovable” bunch of sad-sack losers who always seem to get the benefit of the doubt, no matter how much they deserve it? Perhaps it was the novel written by the Pulitzer Prize-winning author that prompted this adaptation? Or perhaps it’s George Clooney, who accepted a paycheck to direct a film in which his disinterest can be seen in every frame by the audience.
We live in the age of the uncle movie, and the characters who have a significant impact on society run the gamut of stereotypes. Our uncles have ranged from the cool, gay uncle in “Uncle Frank” to the big-hearted, sensitive uncle in the film “Come on, come on.” “The Tender Bar” features the straight-shooting, honest uncle whose true self is tainted by the effects of time travel. You’re familiar with him; he’s the tough guy who cusses in front of you when you’re a kid, swears at you and promises to always tell the truth, and gives you useless romantic advice. He can even be beaten to death by the everlasting gobstopper crap, and your hazy admiration for his toughness will remain unwavering throughout the ordeal. You remember him fondly because he was so much larger than life when you were younger, and that fondness helps to smooth over the rough edges that you are forced to confront as an adult.
Ben Affleck portrays this type of uncle in this film, and his presence gave me the impression that the film was set in Boston, which was incorrect. Uncle Ben, or rather, Uncle Charlie, as Affleck’s character is christened, owns and operates The Dickens Bar, which is located on Long Island. Uncle Charlie is not the same as Joseph Cotten’s more famous namesake from “Shadow of a Doubt,” who murders people and terrorizes his sister’s child; the film’s star rating would be higher if he did, however. As a substitute, he trains his young nephew JR in the finer points of being a gentleman. These lessons are necessary because, you guessed it, JR has father issues that have been exacerbated by the absence of his Papa, a radio DJ known as “The Voice” (Max Martini). JR listens to The Voice whenever he has the opportunity, while he and his mother (Lily Rabe) are perplexed as to where he has gone. Given the fact that radio stations had call letters and physical locations in 1973, it shouldn’t be too difficult to track down this scrounger. Whenever anyone hears The Voice on the radio, they immediately knock the radio over or destroy it completely. These individuals have a large number of radios to destroy.
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It doesn’t matter. A recurring character, The Voice appears every now and then to predictably disappoint the young JR, who is played in an excellent debut by Daniel Ranieri, and to enrage the older JR, who is played by Tye Sheridan with just as much disinterest in the role as his director shows in filming him. One of many running jokes that never works (but would make for a fantastic drinking game to pass the time) is the response whenever JR introduces himself to the audience. “Can you tell me what the JR stands for?” they inquire. There is no response. The reason why Uncle Charlie gets enraged whenever The Voice shows up is another failed running joke, and it involves the fact that Charlie owes Uncle Charlie thirty dollars. When I saw John Cusack in “Better Off Dead,” my thoughts immediately went to the enraged paperboy from the film, who screamed, “I want my two dollars!!” whenever he saw him. At the very least, he doesn’t get beaten up for insisting on his money. However, Uncle Charlie does not have the same fortune.
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JR’s mother (as she is referred to) wishes for him to attend Yale. Nobody, least of all Grandpa, believes he will be able to get in (Christopher Lloyd). Uncle Charlie and his brother JR are being evicted from Grandpa’s house, which he considers a prison. Whenever his mother complains about how terrible a father he was, he responds with, “You keep coming back!” These scenes have the feel of a bad sitcom. I’m not sure how faithful William Monahan’s script is to J.R. Moehringer’s memoir, but I’m hoping for more substance and fewer clichés in the finished product. Obviously, I don’t have to tell you that JR will easily get into Yale with a full ride, that he will fall in love with a wealthy woman who uses his blue collar heart as a doormat, and that he will achieve his writing dream despite being fired from the New York Times because, similar to this movie, most of his news stories are puff pieces about The Dickens Bar.
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The first line of my notes for “The Tender Bar” begins with the words “Narration!!” I underlined it three times because I was frustrated with it. Without exception, unless it’s a noir film or Morgan Freeman is singing on the soundtrack, narration is far too often associated with sloppy screenwriting. To be fair, this is a memoir, but when JR is telling you about things you’ve already seen or are about to see, his voice on the soundtrack becomes superfluous and unnecessary. Adding insult to injury, unlike Ranieri, whose eyes are filled with wonder and admiration in every scene, Sheridan’s performance elicits no response from the audience, even during the unnecessarily brutal final showdown with the competition. I suppose the producers of this film were hoping that, given the familiarity of every aspect of the plot, you would bring your own emotional baggage with you so that you could do the heavy lifting for them instead of them.
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At the very least, Affleck is outstanding in this role, transforming a thankless part into something far more memorable than the material suggests. Even though I wouldn’t want him to be my uncle, my passion for dive bars made me want him to work as my bartender. He has a good time with his profane dialogue and gets along well with the other regulars, including Max Casella and Michael Braun, on the show. As a result, don’t be surprised if Affleck receives an Oscar nomination for this role, despite the fact that he gave a better performance in another film. It’ll be as predictable as every detail in “The Tender Bar” in terms of how things will unfold.
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The film is currently playing in select theaters and will be available for purchase on Amazon on January 7th.
For more personality quizzes check this: Tolkien Quiz.