Respond to these rapid questions in our Samson quiz and we will tell you which Samson character you are. Play it now.
In many ways, “Samson,” the most recent cinematic adaptation of the famous Biblical story, is intended to be seen as an homage to the big religious epics that Hollywood produced in the 1950s and 1960s, but it falls short of that goal entirely. My personal fondness for such films stems partly from the gleefully shameless manner in which they combine the essential elements of sex, sin, and salvation, and partly from the glimpses of genuine power and grace that would occasionally shine through the hedonistic excess. As for “Samson,” while it cannot be faulted for its sincerity, it can be faulted for its slow pacing, inconsistent performances, and lack of cinematic style, all of which contribute to the proceedings having a tacky feel throughout.
Based on historical events, the film opens with the Hebrews being enslaved by the Philistines, led by the vile King Balek (Billy Zane… yes, that Billy Zane) and his even more monstrous son Rallah (also played by Billy Zane) (Jackson Rathbone). It turns out that the Jews do have something up their sleeves in the form of a man named Samson (Taylor James), who was the product of a miraculous birth, which foretold that he would one day lead his people to freedom through the use of his gift of superhuman strength. The biblical hero Samson, on the other hand, isn’t so sure about it all. He’s pledged to live a pious life (one that forbids drinking alcohol, touching the dead, or cutting his hair) in gratitude for God’s blessings, but he believes that his people need to find a more peaceful way to deal with their oppressors. These attitudes do not win him any friends among his mother and father (Lindsay Wagner and Rutger Hauer), and their displeasure grows even greater when he announces his intention to marry the beautiful Philistine Taren (Frances Sholto-Douglas). The problem is that Rallah has by this time recognized Samson as the warrior who will bring down the Philistines and decides to cause chaos at the wedding, resulting in Samson finally summoning his powers and delivering an unmatched beating to hundreds of Philistine soldiers who were armed with nothing more than the jawbone of a donkey.
We learn that Samson, who is now extremely hirsute, has accepted his position as the leader of the community, though he would still prefer to make a deal with King Balek rather than start a war, when the story picks up “Many Years Later.” When his attempt at negotiation fails and he is forced to flee, he is rescued by Philistine Delilah (Caitlin Leahy), who agrees to take him in as a refugee under her roof. (“I have a residence in the Zurich Valley.”) Rallah commands Samson to use her seductive skills in order to discover Samson’s key weakness, and she is completely unaware that she is carrying out his orders. Rallah wants Samson to use her seductive wiles in order to ferret out Samson’s key weakness in order for Rallah to finally defeat his adversary once and for all. The majority of you will be able to fill in the blanks as to what happens next from this point on. If you are unfamiliar with the story, you should be prepared for a variety of surprises.
But you shouldn’t waste any more time and start this Samson quiz.
It was produced by Pure Flix, which has had tremendous success in recent years with films like “The Case for Christ” and the “God’s Not Dead” trilogy, as well as other faith-based films like “The Case for Christ.” With “Samson,” they have taken a different approach, abandoning their template of modern-day parables written in a strangely adversarial tone (one that implied that anyone who did not exactly agree with their way of thinking was instantly doomed to damnation) in favor of a period tale and a more open and accommodating approach that welcomes outsiders rather than castigating them. That one change alone makes “Samson” a little more bearable to watch than its predecessors, at least for those who are not religious, but it does not make up for the fact that it is a little shaky in a number of other areas. Put as delicately as possible, Bruce MacDonald is no Cecil B. DeMille, and his attempts to match the grandeur of ancient biblical stories almost always fall short of expectations. There is absolutely no dramatic tension to be found at any point in the film, and the film’s presumably low budget is evident in a variety of ways, from the obviously fake beards worn by some characters to symbolize the passage of time to the equally chintzy special effects that are on display throughout the film. All of the major action sequences are dreadful—the battle in which Samson defeats hundreds of soldiers is staged in such a cheesy manner (with lots of slow motion) that it almost looks like the Mel Brooks version of the same scene, and don’t even get me started on the unintentionally hilarious staging of the scene in which Samson wrestles a lion.
Samson Quiz
The actor, who more or less looks the part, comes across as a sullen bore in his attempts to convey the character’s sense of inner turmoil as he struggles to reconcile his desire to live the life foretold for him with his desire to forge his own path. Delilah, as played by Leahy, will not be remembered in the same way that Hedy Lamarr (or even Elizabeth Hurley, who played the part in a 1996 television movie) was, thanks to her uninteresting take on the role and the small number of sparks that she ignites with James. On the other end of the spectrum, Rathbone’s over-the-top performance as Rallah is clearly intended to convey a sense of knowing campiness, but the results are more cringe-worthy than entertaining. Lindsay Wagner and Rutger Hauer, among the more well-known faces on display, have little to do as Samson’s parents, while Billy Zane turns out to be the best thing about the film by contributing a performance that appears to have been inspired by, of all things, Marlon Brando’s portrayal of Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now”—he is ridiculous, without a doubt, but at least in his case, it is a fun type of ridiculousness.
Also, you will find out which character are you in this Samson quiz.
Will “Samson” be able to satisfy the faith-based audience that is unquestionably its target audience? Perhaps, assuming that all they want is a straightforward retelling of a well-known story that doesn’t threaten to disrupt the status quo by bringing anything new to the party. While it may be well-intentioned, it is ultimately uninteresting and disappointingly low-budget, especially for those who are more interested in the cinematic than the ecclesiastical. Whatever artistic sins the DeMille may have committed, he at least made an effort to make the film interesting enough to hold the attention of both religious and non-religious audiences. While this one is a slog, viewers of all faiths will find themselves wishing that Delilah and her scissors had somehow managed to find their way into the editing bay and saved the day for everybody.
For more personality quizzes check this: Beirut Quiz.
