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The vast majority of subpar horror movies feature lengthy stretches of screen time in which very little occurs. These boring stretches of screen time are occasionally broken up by brief instances of gory mayhem that are meant to keep viewers mildly interested in what’s going on. On the other hand, the horror movie “The Darkness” is comprised of long stretches of time during which not much of anything happens, and it is only occasionally broken up by brief bouts of pure, concentrated boredom. There are times when it seems as if the producers challenged themselves to see how little it needed in order to still meet the legal definition of a movie. However, there are other times when it feels as if they did not challenge themselves.
In the opening scene of the movie, the Taylor family, consisting of father Peter (Kevin Bacon), mother Bronny (Radha Mitchell), older teen daughter Stephanie (Lucy Fry), and younger son Michael (David Mazouz), are camping in the Grand Canyon with another couple, the Carters. The Taylors appear to be a happy family (Matt Walsh and Jennifer Morrison). Michael, who has autism, is out hiking with his sister and Andrew Carter, the Carters’ son, when he is left alone for a few minutes and falls through the ground into a hidden underground cavern. Michael is found alive. He unearths five enigmatic stones that belonged to an ancient Native American tribe known as the Anasazi and learns that these stones are used to keep a group of five vicious demons at bay. The next thing we know, Michael has escaped from the cavern without anyone noticing what had happened to him, and not long after that, the two families leave. The Carter clan takes off, and they are never seen or referred to again, but unfortunately, we are forced to return home with the Taylors.
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They are collectively frazzled by the demands of Michael’s condition. It should be noted that the Taylors are not an especially happy bunch; Stephanie is bulimic, Bronny is struggling with an alcohol problem, Peter has strayed from his marriage in the past and is contemplating doing so again with a new intern at his architecture firm, and they are all frazzled by the demands of Michael’s condition. Things get progressively worse for them when it turns out that Michael, unbeknownst to them, has Soon enough, the house is filled with strange odors, the faucets and televisions begin turning themselves on and off, the locked doors mysteriously open on their own, and Michael begins displaying a whole range of disturbing behaviors. These behaviors range from Michael having a new invisible friend named Jenny to setting fire to a wall in his room. Even though it takes the rest of the family an extraordinarily long time to realize that something is up, they eventually begin to realize that dark forces are at work and call in a couple of Native American spirit cleansers to help them before it is too late. Despite the fact that it takes the rest of the family such a long time to realize that something is up, they eventually realize that dark forces are at work.
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Greg Mclean is an Australian filmmaker who made a name for himself a decade ago with the film “Wolf Creek.” “Wolf Creek” was an exceptionally nasty exercise in sadism about a seemingly friendly guy in the Outback who tortures and brutally murders a trio of backpackers, and it is said that the film was supposedly inspired by a real-life incident. “The Darkness” was co-written and directed by Greg Mclean. According to the film’s Wikipedia page, “The Darkness” was also purportedly based on actual events. However, in reality, it pinches elements from so many different sources, ranging from the expected likes of “Poltergeist” and the M. Night Shyamalan catalogue, to a couple of famous “Brady Bunch” episodes involving haunted tiki idols and trips to the Grand Canyon, to the immortal Ben Murphy vehicle “Time Walker” (known to MST3K It’s possible that the purpose of all of these borrowings was to divert audience attention away from the fact that the scares are nonexistent and the more dramatic elements go absolutely nowhere, with the autism subplot coming across as exceptionally questionable in terms of taste.
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Although I have no way of knowing for sure, “The Darkness” has all the hallmarks of a film that was significantly tampered with in post-production. Characters are introduced only to completely disappear, plot developments are brought up and summarily dismissed, and the whole thing moves along with a choppiness that suggests a lot of additional footage was shot and then either cut out at the last second or never employed. That would explain why serious actors like Bacon and Mitchell would agree to participate in something as ridiculous as this, without a doubt. It would also explain why Mclean’s work exhibits absolutely none of the cinematic style that made “Wolf Creek” more memorable than it had any right to be, and it would do so for two reasons. Here, the only scares he is able to deliver are of the “BOO!” variety, in which someone or something suddenly appears out of nowhere, accompanied by an abrupt burst of music. He is not very good at this. This specific method of frightening viewers can be extremely effective when used properly (as was the case with “The Conjuring”), but it gets really old, really quickly in this film.
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It isn’t scary, it isn’t exciting, and it plods along at such a snail’s pace that even though it clocks in at just over 90 minutes, it plays like it runs at least twice that long. “The Darkness” is pretty much a total waste of time, and I can’t recommend it to anyone. In spite of this, there are a couple of aspects of it that provided me with a certain degree of amusement. First of all, we find out that people who are tormented by the stones will be visited by animals that stand for the five troubled spirits: a crow, a dog, a snake, a wolf, and a buffalo. Considering that the first four of these animals make appearances, I found myself on the edge of my seat waiting for the buffalo to finally make an appearance. Then there is the peculiar appearance by none other than Paul Reiser as Kevin Bacon’s boss, a casting decision that makes this film, of all things, a partial reunion of the cast of that excellent film, “Diner.” Believe me when I say that not only is that an incomparably better movie than “The Darkness,” but it is also an incomparably more terrifying one in comparison.
For more personality quizzes check this: Fifty Shades Of Black Quiz.
