Respond to these rapid questions in our Unfriended Dark Web quiz and we will tell you which Unfriended Dark Web character you are. Play it now.
“Unfriended: Dark Web” is a terrible anti-internet horror film, and I’m torn between laughing and yelling at it.
“Unfriended: Dark Web,” like its 2014 predecessor, is a deeply misanthropic horror film that follows a group of hapless Millennials as they are cyber-terrorized by a mysterious group of internet trolls/killers through realistic-looking video footage of their computer screens. “Unfriended” is dynamic and cruel, whereas “Unfriended: Dark Web” is unbelievably stupid and sadistic. This is the most significant distinction between the two films. However, neither film is particularly intelligent or incisive about the Way We Live Now, but that isn’t really a requirement.
Despite this, “Unfriended” succeeds because its creators are adept at leading viewers by the nose through the story. “Unfriended: Dark Web” does not succeed because its creators have a slew of ideas, but they are unable to bring them together in any meaningful way. Ultimately, the film is an unbelievable social critique, constructed on the back of a Rube Goldberg-esque series of unbelievable, cruel plot twists, which will cause even the most gullible moviegoer to shake their heads in disbelief. After Matias (Colin Woodell) and his deaf girlfriend Amaya (Stephanie Nogueras) acquire a mysterious used laptop, the film’s campy portrayal of a vast internet-enabled conspiracy that is foisted upon them and their friends might be entertaining to future viewers. However, in this day and age, when the majority of viewers are unlikely to be familiar with or care about the “dark web,” “Unfriended: Dark Web” appears to be in serious trouble.
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Matias’s actions are so heinously stupid that they made me appreciate the relatively advanced problem-solving abilities of the sexually active protagonists of 1980s horror films, which I had previously overlooked. Matias, in contrast to those other kids, who were simply horny in the wrong places, appears to be allergic to logic. He opens more computer programs on the spur of the moment—which he then has to decrypt, log into, and repeatedly interact with—and interacts with more strangers than any thinking, feeling person could ever hope to accomplish.
Unfriended Dark Web Quiz
There are several large, obvious warning signs that Matias fails to notice, such as the ominous screen names of his stalkers (all of whom call themselves “Charon,” prompting a hilariously insipid Wikipedia search for information on the ferryman who transports the Greek underworld’s prisoners). The request of one anonymous interlocutor is unsettling: he wishes for Matias to “trephine” a young lady (another Wiki-explanation: “trephining” is when you drill a hole into a human skull). Furthermore, all of Matias’ adversaries communicate through a shady private chat room known as “The River,” which is designed to look like a torch-lit sewer canal from the similarly crude and gory “Doom” computer games. The dial-up modem is running at what speed and what year is it?
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We all know by now that Matias is the type of obnoxious horror movie protagonist whose contrived behavior only makes sense as a means of moving the plot forward. Each new plot development is so sloppily executed and uninspired that it is impossible to maintain a sense of suspension of disbelief. I’m not even sure if the bad guys’ use of a makeshift sound board and a well-timed van (yes, it’s just a regular, gas-fueled van) are meant to be funny or if they’re just trying to be lame by accident. The latter option appeals to me because it’s impossible to take seriously a film in which a self-possessed but defenseless deaf girl is repeatedly threatened by a faceless internet-enabled killer who uses a goofy-sounding hacking tool to send all-caps chat room threats to his victims (a distorted chiming noise can be heard every time the evil hacker contacts Matias; it sounds like the hacker’s cell phone is ringing while he’s
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While the illogicality of these generic plot twists would be excusable if watching “Unfriended: Dark Web” wasn’t such a punishing and unsatisfying endeavor, it is. Despite the fact that Matias is constantly interrupted by strange women, malicious computer dweebs, and bothersome friends, he manages to complete his tasks. So the majority of his interactions are in the “Can you tell me what to do now?” or “We can’t do Y, or something bad will happen” mode. Matias and his friends are becoming increasingly perplexed with each new conversation, as none of them possesses the necessary technological know-how or emotional maturity to be considered worthy of support.
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As a low-brow cultural critique, “Unfriended: Dark Web” is impossible to take seriously because of the film’s shoddy storytelling on the most fundamental level. In this film, our primary source of human contact is a group of cartoonishly naive Millennials who serve as our primary source of entertainment. Is it supposed to reflect the deep-seated alienation experienced by social media users with their blinkered naiveté? All right, let’s go ahead and do it.
Actually, it’s difficult to understand why people are being chastised for willingly disclosing so much personal information online—and for being so blind to the “private” nature of our online interactions—when the film’s protagonists are too stupid to fight back against big bad social media boogeymen who use Photoshop and word processing tools to entrap our heroes in their web of lies. “Unfriended: Dark Web” may be an absolute nightmare, but it’s a whole lot scarier than anything that happens on the internet.
For more personality quizzes check this: Traffik Quiz.
