Respond to these rapid questions in our Warcraft quiz and we will tell you which Warcraft character you are. Play it now.
First and foremost, I must confess that I have never played any version of the video game “Warcraft.” I’m just going to put it out there right now, and I’m going to be honest about it. We’re all good friends around here. We should be completely honest with one another.
As a result, I went into “Warcraft,” the film based on the video game, with an open mind, and I’m reviewing it solely on its own merits as a stand-alone piece of entertainment. Many of you may read this and exclaim, “She’s never played the game! She’s lying!” Her ignorance of the subject matter is astounding!” And that is fine with me. I’m serious about it. Nonetheless, I’m hoping that the game will be more emotionally engaging — or at the very least entertaining — than the movie I just saw. Because that thing was a depressing shambles.
And it gives me no pleasure to inform you of this because the film “Warcraft” is directed by Duncan Jones, a filmmaker whose work I’ve admired for many years. Jones has only directed two features to date, but he has already demonstrated a remarkable ability to take complex science fiction stories and tell them in a clever and intimate manner. “Moon,” his directorial debut, was my favorite film of 2009; it dealt with mind-blowing, existential issues, but it did so with genuine verve, immediacy, and heart. (And remember, if one Sam Rockwell is good, two Sam Rockwells are fantastic.) Jones’ follow-up film, the time-travel puzzle “Source Code,” was a bit of a letdown in comparison, but it was thrilling and challenging, and it demonstrated his progression as a filmmaker by utilizing a larger cast and more expensive toys.
As a result, it’s difficult to determine what happened with Jones and “Warcraft.” Like the endeavor had swallowed him whole, he couldn’t move. Clearly, this was a massive undertaking, complete with breathtaking imagery, motion capture performances, and a slew of visual effects, all of which were projected in awe-inspiring IMAX 3-D to great effect. It’s difficult to hear his voice and see his meticulous attention to detail in the midst of all of this.
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The combination of a massive budget and cutting-edge technology has resulted in a film that appears cheesy and cartoonish—a big-screen version of a video game world that more closely resembles the video game commercials you see on television. From both a visual and a narrative perspective, “Warcraft” is difficult to follow, with massive battle scenes between orcs and humans in which it is difficult to tell who is doing what to whom and where the action is taking place.
Many orcs are similar in appearance to the luggage at the airport. They look like they’ve just escaped from a GWAR concert; they’re hulking, tusked, muscular, and decked out in ferocious accessories. The CGI spectacle of it all, on the other hand, renders everything with a glossy, detached sameness that makes it difficult to tell whether you’re looking at a good orc or a bad orc at any point.
Warcraft Quiz
Please accept my apologies for wanting a little realism in my orcs. Because, yes, that is exactly what “Warcraft” is about: orcs and humans, and their raucous attempts to infiltrate and destroy each other’s realms. That isn’t quite accurate; the script, written by Jones and Charles Leavitt, contains reams of expository dialogue, yet the story itself is mind-bogglingly convoluted. Nonetheless, in between the self-important, stilted conversations, we are treated to snippets of quick-witted, anachronistic banter that are intended to be amusing but end up being disconcerting instead.
Also, you will find out which character are you in this Warcraft quiz.
When the film opens, Durotan (Toby Kebbell), his pregnant wife Draka (Anna Galvin), and their clan are fleeing from their dying world through a portal that looks like a wall of swirly, minty mouthwash, the audience is immediately thrown into the action. Across the other side of the world is Azeroth, which is more peaceful and pastoral in nature, though every sparkly, new fantasy realm we enter here reminds us of a place we’ve already visited at some point during the “Lord of the Rings” saga. The game “Warcraft” makes extensive use of borrowed material.
They attack the humans for control of the land as soon as they arrive, led by Durotan’s counterpart, the noble but personality-free Lothar (Travis Fimmel, who previously appeared in Rebecca Miller’s “Maggie’s Plan” as the Brooklyn pickle entrepreneur). However, while Lothar faithfully serves his king (Dominic Cooper) and queen (Ruth Negga), Durotan begins to have doubts about the motivations of the clearly insane and power-hungry orc warlock Gul’dan (played by Dominic Cooper) (Daniel Wu). It’s possible that the fact that Gul’dan has pulsating green eyes and enjoys draining people of their life force in order to fuel his own magical abilities has something to do with this.
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Medivh, or “The Guardian,” as he is affectionately known, is a powerful wizard who lives among the humans. Because he is played by Ben Foster, the mere fact that he is cast in the role suggests that he should not be trusted. And, sure enough, Foster attempts to infuse the character with glimmers of his trademark menace, but it’s difficult to act in the midst of all the chaos. Basically, he’s been tasked with transporting himself and others from one location to another by stringing together strands of glowing, blue light and chanting a few spells to accomplish this.
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Garona (Paula Patton), a half-human, half-orc warrior, finds herself in the midst of this conflict. It’s unsettling to see a black woman being held prisoner, especially when she’s dressed in chains and tatters for maximum sex appeal. “Warcraft” appears more concerned with exploiting her character for its own sake than with exploring her significance from a societal perspective. In fact, between this and the latest Adam Sandler Netflix disaster, “The Do-Over,” the charismatic Patton has had a particularly tough few weeks. She is deserving of better.)
Eventually, alliances will need to be formed in order to save both humanity and orckind. For now, however, Lothar’s young mage Khadgar (Ben Schnetzer), an ally of Lothar’s, must learn the secrets hidden inside a purple room that is meant to be futuristic but instead appears to be a rejected set from the film “Logan’s Run.” Also on display is an enormous, evil statue made of clay that comes to life, but it is more amusing than frightening due to the fact that it is unintentionally funny. In the meantime, there is a lot of pummeling—lots and lots of pummeling—as the orcs fight the humans as well as each other under scorching, dusty skies before there can be any peace. It is extremely harsh. It is a recurrent theme. It’s completely deafening.
As the film comes to a close, it leaves a slew of loose ends in the hopes that the ambitious possibility of a sequel will be realized in the near future. However, you will most likely exclaim, “Game Over,” because this first film is a strong contender for the worst film of the year.
For more personality quizzes check this: Barbershop The Next Cut Quiz.
