Respond to these rapid questions in our After We Collided quiz and we will tell you which After We Collided character you are. Play it now.
It took me no less than three tries to get through “After,” the film adaptation of the first book in Anna Todd’s series of novels chronicling the ups and downs of a passionate romance between an innocent young woman and the smooth-chested bad boy who unexpectedly sweeps her off her feet (among other things), and watching terrible movies is something I do for a living. That said, its flaws were of the standard variety—dull characters, insipid plotting, and a complete lack of chemistry between the two leads—and it could even be argued that part of the problem stemmed from the fact that I was not exactly the target audience for a story that appeared to have begun as One Direction fan fiction. But even though it was terrible, “After We Collided” comes across as borderline competent in the memory when compared to the film that followed it, “After We Collided,” which is so lazy and inane that it feels as contemptuous towards its audience as I do towards it.
It told the story of Tessa Young (Josephine Langford), the bookish and repressed daughter of an overbearing mother, and it was broadcast on HBO on Sunday, October 22nd (Selma Blair). Tessa quickly fell under the spell of Hardin Scott (Hero Fiennes Tiffin), the campus Lothario whose bad-boy exterior concealed a tortured soul that could only be properly nurtured by Tessa herself. Viewers followed the development, for lack of a better word, of their relationship, with older viewers perplexed by the appearance of such familiar faces as Blair, Peter Gallagher, and Jennifer Beals in brief cameo appearances along the way, before being shocked by the shocking climax, which revealed that Hardin’s wooing of Tessa was the result of a dare. The film’s final moments suggested that they might be able to have a happy ending after all, which was understandable given the circumstances.
As it turns out, Hardin’s optimistic conclusion was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, and when we first see him, a month after the events of the first film, he is spending his days drinking, getting tattoos, and pining for his long-dead love, among other things. In the meantime, Tessa begins her new job as an intern reading manuscripts for a publishing company, where she manages to find the next mega-seller, is invited by her boss to a wild night partying with investors (which includes a fancy new dress and hotel suite on the company’s dime), and makes goo-goo eyes with shy-but-hunky accountant Trevor (Dylan Sprouse), all within her first 24 hours of employment. In the meantime, Tessa Her feelings for Hardin are still strong, and when his mother (Louise Lombard) arrives from England under the impression that they are still together (don’t ask), she agrees to go along with the scheme. Consequently, there is an endless string of scenes in which the two alternate between indulging in bouts of what a far wiser man once referred to as “rumpy-pumpy” and fighting over issues that could have been easily resolved if they did not collectively possess the intelligence of a crouton.
But you shouldn’t waste any more time and start this After We Collided quiz.
While on his journey, Hardin’s Tortured Past comes back to haunt him and rears its ugly head when he, along with Tessa and his mother, attends the extravagant Christmas party thrown by his wealthy and estranged father (Rob Estes) and new stepmother (Karimah Westbrook), where he makes a drunken spectacle out of himself. However, those who have seen the first film may be too distracted to notice because the father and stepmother in this film were played by Gallagher and Beals in the first film and who somehow managed to avoid any involvement in this one—presumably by building and flying a homemade hot-air balloon into freedom—but the details of what transpires are forgettable (and the film certainly has no real use for them). This is especially strange because Selma Blair is still on the scene, albeit for a briefer and more pointless appearance than before. One of two possibilities exists for her continued presence: either her co-stars failed to inform her of the balloon launch, or she made the decision out of misguided loyalty to director Roger Kumble, with whom she had previously collaborated on the infinitely superior and thematically similar “Cruel Intentions,” which was released the same year (1999).
After We Collided Quiz
So, what is it about “After We Collided” that is so objectionable to you? Just to give you an idea of how bad the script is (it was co-written by Todd), it’s basically a series of tedious incidents in a relationship that manage to come across as both startlingly toxic and completely innocuous, for lack of a better word. The two central characters are even more uninteresting and unappealing than they were before, which is exacerbated by the complete lack of chemistry that exists between them. In the most hilarious way, the film tries to shake off the original’s PG-13 rating by attempting to enter R-rated territory with the grace and subtlety of a 10-year-old boy who has just learned it, and the sex scenes are infused with the kind of heat that would make you check the pilot light if you were watching it in a movie theater instead of a theater at home.
Also, you will find out which character are you in this After We Collided quiz.
“After We Collided” is a film that is too stupid to work as a serious romantic drama and too boring to work as straightforward sleaze. It is a film that is so stupid that I am afraid some people will be tempted to look it up to see just how bad it really is. Please consider instead watching “The Souvenir,” a deeply felt portrayal of a passionate but toxic relationship by Joanna Hogg that was one of the best films of last year and one that will stay with you long after the film has concluded. Apart from a brief burst of relief, the only emotion you will experience at the conclusion of this film is apprehension over the fact that this saga will apparently include two more installments before it comes to a close. On the other hand, it’s possible that we’ll get lucky and that will turn out to be nothing more than a dream as well.
For more personality quizzes check this: Possessor Quiz.
