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If you are a fan of Omar Chaparro, a Mexican actor who has appeared in films and on television, I have some good news and some bad news for you. The fact that Chaparro is starring in his first movie after making the transition to Hollywood is a positive development. The bad news is that I’m willing to bet that it isn’t the Hollywood crossover picture that he was hoping for.
The awkwardly proportioned Chaparro, who looks like a more stocky cousin of Antonio Banderas via George Clooney, is cast in this unlikely buddy-cop movie. Perhaps you are familiar with those already. His adversary is a chubby teenager in Los Angeles who works as a computer hacker and has inadvertently gotten himself into trouble with some very nasty drug traffickers. Fans of Joey Morgan’s performance in “Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse,” in which Morgan played… yes, the fat one, will be pleased to learn that he will be playing this character.
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Even the introduction of Morgan’s character doesn’t take place until about a quarter of an hour into this movie, which is about as bad as it gets in terms of quality. That’s how carefully and thoughtfully it’s been structured. Instead, it starts with the character Garza, who is played by Chaparro, in the kitchen making small talk with the mother of the adorable toddler while also playing with the toddler. The mother is his partner’s wife. She advises him that he should really make an effort to settle down, that family is the most important thing, etc. After that, Garza takes said partner out on a drug bust, and well, just make an educated guess about what happens next. After the death of the partner, the wife and the daughter are never heard from or seen again. Garza’s commanding officer takes him out for a drink, during which he gives him a very gentle reprimand for not waiting for backup. As Garza looks at the alluring bartender, he begins to experience her in a slowed-down state. A movie character has not shrugged off tragedy with such nonchalance since David “Al” Hedison’s character, Felix Leiter, in “License to Kill,” watched his own wife get eaten by a shark (which also chomped off his own leg), and David “Al” Hedison cheerfully invited Timothy Dalton to go fishing mere days after his character, Felix Leiter, watched his own wife get eaten by a shark (which also chomped off his own leg). But hold on. The director and co-writer Enrique Begne, along with co-writers Ted Perkins and Gabriel Ripstein, came up with a method… but I wouldn’t say there was a method to the plot beats they came up with (staggeringly, the son of Mexican cinema giant Arturo Ripstein).
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The bartender and Garza eventually become romantically involved with one another, but their relationship is interrupted when she is kidnapped by the same drug dealers who took Garza’s partner. This prompts the federal authorities in the United States to become involved (Eric Roberts plays the head honcho). It is a colossal mess. The film’s editing is so sloppy that the already chaotic situation is made even worse. The intended effect of Begne’s “flashing forward and backward in short order during certain scenes to highlight bits of information that are meant to pay off in “aha!”s for the viewer” is clear to see, but the execution is staggeringly sloppy and clumsy, which makes the effect less effective. The apparent humor, such as jokes about diarrhea, jokes about a finger being amputated from a corpse, and jokes about burning people alive, competes with plot complications that are thrown about willy-nilly. To make matters even more difficult, the film appears to have been color-corrected with the “Hot Pink” dial turned all the way up for the entirety of its running time. I know. A color-correcting console does not actually come equipped with a dial labeled “Hot Pink.” But I think you understand what I’m getting at.
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The movie develops a strange fascination by the end of its running time. At one point, the viewer may be moved to ask Chaparro’s Garza in their head, “Yes, sure, you left the pistol with which Kevin Pollak was trying to kill himself in the trash can of the men’s room of this diner,” but they may keep their question to themselves. But now that the strange bad guys have arrived, don’t you still have that enormous Magnum that you stole from the Irish convenience store clerk who you had a fist fight with twenty-five minutes ago? And this goes on. (The response that was given was, “Yes, but he must have forgotten, as he pulls it out in a later scene.”) I guess I should count myself lucky that I stuck around until the very end because the movie ties up its loose ends with a truly bizarre turn of events. Actually, the answer is no. The only reason I stayed until the very end was because I had a professional obligation to do so. If a different set of events had taken place, I might not have been exposed to the plot twist, and the rest of my life might have gone according to plan.
For more personality quizzes check this: Our Kind Of Traitor Quiz.
